do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
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The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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