If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
