Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
