I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've blown a few things in my day
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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