I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
