if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
