My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
