In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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