I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dignity is for republicans.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
