I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
