I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
