just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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