she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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