hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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