i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
