Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
