So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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