my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
