He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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