its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
