Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize