dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The adults are the big ones right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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