pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize