lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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