I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
