I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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