3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
