Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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