sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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