I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
