Cold hands, warm shart.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
