just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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