Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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