I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Boobs speak an international language.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
