2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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