My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
