I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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