So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
