the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
