You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
