so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
