he thought i was a dude.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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