We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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