my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
