The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and she was petting her beer can
The best revenge is premature balding
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
