My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize