Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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