I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
