I love black thongs
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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