ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
