when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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