Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
