He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i think my cat just said my name.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
