So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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