me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i out mim tonsoeep
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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