K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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