i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
