It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
