We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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