i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
