I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i came on her dog
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
