the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We are all done wearing pants today
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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