11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
send nudes
from the living room?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
