i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
